After I had the insight that my survival mechanisms had been running the show—and running me—everything made sense.
I saw how I held myself back through my fear of judgement and taking up too much space. I avoided telling the truth in my writing for fear of upsetting other people. I was afraid to be messy in my creative process and especially to have that mess witnessed. As one of my writing mentors once said: I was expert at ‘papering over the cracks.’
But it took a long time before I was able fully to recognise—and let in—my Essence.
Survival mechanisms have a tentacle-like hold on our being. It would be years before I turned towards my essential self with full commitment. By then, I’d returned to another academic post, this time teaching creative writing rather than literature. I thought it would be closer to what I wanted—creativity, self-expression, freedom—and, for a while, it was. But then the same patterns kept emerging. I kept myself safe by applying for promotions and inching up the leadership ladder.
I found myself evolving in a spiral formation, returning to the same insights again and again. The same frustrations and yearnings kept arising. There was more I wanted but I didn't know how to access it.
Then I embarked on a training to become a Wayfinder guide—a creative life coach. Slowly, I began to be acquainted with my Essence: the aspects of my being that make me unique, just as they do for us all. I started working with others who wanted more for their creativity and their lives, too. In them, I saw myself—just as they saw themselves in me. We were powerful mirrors for each other. I loved how in each partnership, we co-created a powerful space for transformation.
I left my academic post—this time for the final time—to establish my coaching practice.
Reaching the crossroads of creation
This is the pivotal moment we all face: the choice between safety and expression, between hiding and being seen.
It's the choice I made when I stepped away from the security of academia—twice—to honour the pull toward authentic creative expression. It's the choice I made when I raised my hand at that writing retreat, despite the sensation of the bruise in my windpipe and the fear coursing through my veins.
It's the choice you're facing right now.
Will you continue to live in the grip of your survival mechanisms, allowing fear of judgement, perfectionism, isolation, overthinking, and procrastination to dictate your creative life?
Or will you choose connection with your Essence: your truest, most luminous self?
Before and After: the creative life reimagined
Before the leap
When I lived from my survival mechanisms:
my creativity was constricted by fear of expression and judgment
I existed in a perpetual state of seeking approval
I deferred to authority and hierarchy
perfectionism kept me in cycles of endless revision
I buried myself in unnecessary detail
I avoided the deep work I was here to do by keeping myself busy with more inconsequential things
Perhaps you recognise yourself in some of these patterns? You might be asking:
‘what if my work isn't good enough?’
‘what if people judge me harshly?’
‘what if I put myself out there and nothing happens?’
‘how can I finish when it's never quite perfect?’
‘who am I to think I have something important to say?’
After the leap
When I began operating more from my Essence:
creativity became not just what I do but how I live
I began to fully see and embrace my impact in the world
my creative expression expanded beyond writing to encompass all aspects of life
I found freedom, ease, and joy in the creative process
I connected deeply with others through authentic expression
I welcomed the messiness of creation rather than fearing it.
After the leap, I found the questions themselves began to transform. Instead of being rooted in fear, they were oriented towards spaciousness and expansion:
‘how can I serve through my creative expression?’
‘what wants to emerge through me?’
‘how can I connect more deeply with my audience?’
‘what new possibilities are waiting to be explored?’
what would I create if I knew I couldn't fail?’
What do we risk when we don’t take the leap?
If you continue on the path dictated by your survival mechanisms, what's at stake? There's the persistent feeling of not making the most of your life, a shadow that follows you through accomplishments that somehow feel hollow. Your unique gifts remain largely unexpressed, buried beneath layers of protection and fear. You find yourself locked in frustration and longing, glimpsing what could be, but unable to bridge the gap between vision and reality.
A nagging fear of not being enough becomes your constant companion, whispering doubts with every creative endeavour. You yearn for more freedom and ease of expression, knowing there's a more authentic way to create but unable to find your way there. Perhaps most poignantly, the world misses out on the specific contribution only you can make—the perspective, insight, and beauty that would emerge if you allowed your true voice to be heard.
What do you gain when you make the leap?
When you choose to honour your creative Essence, you open yourself to a life infused with purpose and meaning. Every day becomes an opportunity for expression rather than a struggle to be overcome. You forge deep, authentic connections with those around you as your vulnerability creates space for genuine sharing and mutual inspiration.
You discover the freedom to bring all of who you are to everything you do. No more compartmentalising or dimming your light. A sustainable creative practice emerges— one that nourishes rather than depletes—flowing from your natural rhythms rather than imposed from outside. You experience the joy of making a meaningful contribution through your unique perspective, seeing how your work resonates with others in ways you couldn't have anticipated.
Perhaps most transformative is the profound sense of alignment between your inner and outer worlds—the relief of no longer living a divided life, but instead moving through the world with integrity and wholeness.
Like the fragments of a forgotten song that suddenly returns as a full melody—though you haven't heard it in years—your creative essence has been humming beneath the surface of your consciousness, waiting for the moment when you finally pause to listen and let it fill your entire being.
The invitation to choose
Now, creativity has become an evolving force in my life. I regard my whole life as creative—not only my writing but the way I do everything: cook a meal, dance, sit with clients, be with loved ones. Each day becomes a canvas for expression, connection and transformation.
What about you?
The decision point is here. The creativity that flows through you—whether in writing, art, business, parenting, leadership, or any other domain—is too precious to remain constrained by fear and survival patterns.
You stand at the threshold between the familiar discomfort of creative constraint and the expansive possibility of creative freedom.
Which will you choose?
What’s next?
If there’s something you’re longing to create (a writing project, an artistic creation or new venture) but need more courage and guidance, I’m here to support you expand the power of your self-expression.
Here’s how I can help:
Make an appointment for a virtual coffee (free). I hold 3-4 slots every month so we can get to know each other. Perfect if you’re curious about meeting new people and making connections.
Book a 30-minute connection call (free). This is for anyone—whether you have an idea you want to brainstorm, an issue that’s holding you back, or you just want to know more about my work. Think of it as a microdose of powerful coaching that can help point you in the right direction!
Read my manifesto for creative courage (free). Learn about the core principles I work with in my own creativity and business and follow in serial form the journey of how I came to found Wordplay Coaching.
Inquiry of Writing, an intimate group coaching experience. We meet twice a month—in which we use writing as a tool for curiosity, exploration and transformation. Respond to powerful questions, in discussion and in writing; share your experience; get feedback on what you’ve written. Get the support and connection you need to gain clarity about your life and creativity, and develop your confidence. This is currently full but talk to me about joining the waiting list.
Creative Essence 1:1 coaching. Personal guidance to work with you on recognising your survival mechanisms and the fears that hold you back from expressing yourself fully. Twice-monthly deep dives on Zoom plus individualised support between sessions. This is ideal for you if you’re looking for deep transformation and powerful support to make changes in your life or with a creative project.