I never wrote until 10 yrs ago. Busy being a wife of 36 yrs and four kids. Then 10 yrs ago my husband died and in grief my eldest daughter said, “ Ma you have a fu@@en story, start writing. Here is some yellow pads and new pens, and oh I signed you up for a memoir class.” I started writing, took the class. But because I have never wrote or had training my fear and confidence is pretty high. So I have a lot of starts and pause.
That's amazing that your daughter was the springboard to you starting to write. And I definitely hear those fears around lack of training and confidence. But you are DOING IT! Even with the starts and the pauses, you have started, you are doing it. I really acknowledge you for that, Dena. Keep going!
“Hiding in full view” This applies to too many gifted women I know. The persona we present and shore up with what we have learned gains us acceptance and approval.
And “I shouldn’t be writing so much about myself” - I think this is why I am a poet, my writing of the Self can emerge despite me, in the guise of mole, octopus, The Poet. This is why I so admire Anne Carson and Louise Glück, for their ability to display their own thoughts on the page as intellectual jewels. O to trust that one’s own inner thinkings aloud and workings out are worth the eye of others; or not to care; to believe in the self.
I agree wholeheartedly, Elvire. The pull of our conditioning can be strong -- to comply, to please, to fit in. Noticing when it comes up is the first step but in my experience there are so many layers that, over the years, need to be unwrapped. It's a practice, for sure. O not to care indeed! I think our work is to strengthen the self so that we are our own 'first believer' before we present ourselves in front of others to they can also believe in who we are and what we have to give.
I never wrote until 10 yrs ago. Busy being a wife of 36 yrs and four kids. Then 10 yrs ago my husband died and in grief my eldest daughter said, “ Ma you have a fu@@en story, start writing. Here is some yellow pads and new pens, and oh I signed you up for a memoir class.” I started writing, took the class. But because I have never wrote or had training my fear and confidence is pretty high. So I have a lot of starts and pause.
That's amazing that your daughter was the springboard to you starting to write. And I definitely hear those fears around lack of training and confidence. But you are DOING IT! Even with the starts and the pauses, you have started, you are doing it. I really acknowledge you for that, Dena. Keep going!
💜
Wow Rachel! I am excited to keep reading this... beautiful and profound!
Thank you so much, Carolina!
“Hiding in full view” This applies to too many gifted women I know. The persona we present and shore up with what we have learned gains us acceptance and approval.
And “I shouldn’t be writing so much about myself” - I think this is why I am a poet, my writing of the Self can emerge despite me, in the guise of mole, octopus, The Poet. This is why I so admire Anne Carson and Louise Glück, for their ability to display their own thoughts on the page as intellectual jewels. O to trust that one’s own inner thinkings aloud and workings out are worth the eye of others; or not to care; to believe in the self.
I agree wholeheartedly, Elvire. The pull of our conditioning can be strong -- to comply, to please, to fit in. Noticing when it comes up is the first step but in my experience there are so many layers that, over the years, need to be unwrapped. It's a practice, for sure. O not to care indeed! I think our work is to strengthen the self so that we are our own 'first believer' before we present ourselves in front of others to they can also believe in who we are and what we have to give.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective.